Things began to go strange at nights when ‘the boys’ were settled. ‘The man’ would instigate games, saying it was to get to know each other. Although it quickly reached the point where he would want me and ‘his wife’ to do things. Was he serious? He was married to her. I was still a virgin and very shy, even when simply talking about sex. His wife looked shocked. I remember him asking us to kiss each other and I said no. He then changed the subject us all wondering whether we were born in a past life.
And then he went and made a game up where he wrote things we had to do on a piece of paper. He would try and make it sound like it was normal and make jokes. He dared ‘the wife’ to kiss me. I just sat there, because I didn’t want to. She also refused. He then started to gett angry with her. She came over to me and kissed me, more like a peck, on my lips and he said: “No, use tongues”. She leant over. I wanted to say no, but because he snapped at her I didn’t want her to get hit and I was scared in case he would hit me. We kissed each other. He then dared her to kiss him, so she did, and then he wanted me to kiss him. I refused, saying: “No that’s wrong”. His reply was: “I didn’t bring you up, so it isn’t wrong” and because I wouldn’t kiss him, he said: “Right, well you and her perform oral acts on each other then”.
He would make me do stuff to her and then do things to her in front of me. I hated it; I couldn’t walk out as he would hit me, but I really didn’t want to be in that situation. I had to wait for him to finish what he was doing with his wife and then I could leave the room. I went and got on the settee and just lied there trying to go to sleep, but I kept jumping every time I drifted off.
The next day it was like nothing had happened. We were sitting in the kitchen. His wife and I were talking and I spoke to her about college and going back to Oldham. She said: “He isn’t going to let you leave and I can’t do much, but I can ask him to get you on your course down here”. So she did. She got ‘the man’ to take me down to the college in Southend. I went and met the tutor and she said I was quite a bit behind, as I would have 2 weeks to do 17 assignments. I said: “I know, but I will do it”. I wanted to do it, my career and wanting to help others has always been my passion and I knew going back to college in Oldham was now impossible. I wasn’t worried about the work load I would have to do to catch up, if it meant I could go back.
I got to the house and ‘the man’ said: “Go on, you have college work to be doing”. I logged on to the computer that was in the front room and began to do my assignments one by one. I would have to keep stopping to tend to ‘the baby’, as he wouldn’t settle for anyone else. I was still sleeping on the sofa and would have to do the school runs with the ‘older boy’. I started to struggle to concentrate. I was back doing exactly what I was doing when I lived with my friends, only I hardly ever left the house.
The ‘older lad’ started being naughty. It escalated quickly. It started with refusing to tidy his side of the room and ended with the police knocking on the door. He had disappeared outside and scratched the side of somebody’s car. When the police left ‘the man’ leathered him and sent him to his room.
That night it got to tea-time and ‘the man’ went up to get ‘the boy’ for his tea. He was a couple of minutes, so I went up. As I was walking up the stairs, I heard crying. I went in the room and ‘the man’ was rubbing the face of the boy in the carpet and kicking him. I wanted to help him, but I was scared. It turned out ‘the boy’ had urinated on his bedroom floor, as he was scared to go to the toilet. After tea, ‘the man’ was discussing with his wife how he couldn’t cope with ‘the boy’ and he wanted to put him in care. The wife said: “Just give him another chance. I will talk to him”.
That night The man said to me: “You won’t be getting up for ‘the baby’ in the night, she can do it”, referring to his wife who was still on crutches. I didn’t mind the break, as I was stressed enough with my college work. I had done it all, apart from the psychology assignments, but I still had 4 days or so to go. I still slept on the sofa that night as I was used to it and I’m kind of glad I did. I heard a little cry off ‘the baby’, but thought I’m not to get him, so I just lay there. I must have started to dose off and next minute I hear piercing screams, which I can still hear today just thinking about it. I jumped up and went into the bedroom. First I saw ‘the man’ sat up in bed, cigarette in his mouth, laughing. I looked to the right where the cot was and his wife was collapsed on the floor, with ‘the baby’ in her arms, screaming in pain. The man had hidden her crutches and although she managed to get to the cot, as she picked ‘the baby’ up, the extra weight of him was too much and she had collapsed. I thought “Why’s he laughing? It’s disgusting”. I got ‘the baby’ and put him back in his cot so I could help the wife up. She held on to the cot, while I searched around for her crutches. I found them round the back of the wardrobe and passed them her. She began to walk into the kitchen, I grabbed ‘the baby’ and followed her. When she sat down, I passed her ‘the baby’ to enable me to make his bottle. I then went back to the bedroom to grab his dummy and as I came out ‘the man’ shouted me. I turned around and he punched me in the right side of my jaw. I stumbled backwards. He had shattered my tooth into my gum. He then just walked back in the bedroom, how I didn’t cry I don’t know, but I remembered if I did I got it worse. I went in the kitchen and made me and the wife a brew. We both sat there, talking about how trapped we were. She said she liked me, but she was stuck with the man. I didn’t like her in that way. She was the man’s wife. It was weird, because obviously we had done things. We had to. But I think she saw me as a comfort.
The next morning ‘the wife’ had contacted her mum. I was sat in the front room playing with ‘the baby’ when her mum came over. She came in and stood in the living room doorway while The wife was packing her belongings. They all started arguing. I didn’t blame ‘the wife’ for wanting to go, I just wish I could do the same. Her mum grabbed her bags off her, as she was still on crutches, and she asked ‘the man’ to put ‘the baby’ in the pram. In all honesty, as much as I loved ‘the baby’, he needed to go with her where he was safe. I know her mum would have helped, but he wouldn’t let her take him. She was crying and walked out of the door. I felt so sorry for her. I just looked at ‘the boys’ and thought “What am I going to do? I need to protect these two, but I’m terrified of him”. The next few days were strange, without ‘the wife’ there. She was like a friend to me. I had to do all the cleaning and look after ‘the boys’, I couldn’t help but think how much The wife must be worrying and missing him.
The wife rung ‘the man’ a couple of days later asking how we were. They spoke for a while and he agreed for her to see ‘the baby’. We dropped him off for her in Southend, then drove back. Although ‘the man’ has always had a car, he doesn’t actually hold a full license. He only has a provisional, but it never stopped him. At around tea-time that day, we arrived outside ‘the wife’s mums house to pick up ‘the baby’. However, when ‘the man’ knocked on there was no answer and she messaged him saying he wasn’t having ‘the baby’ back. He started stressing, he rung the Police, but they said there was nothing they could do as she was his mum. He had us hanging around the house for over an hour before he finally decided to go home. When we got in, he was in a foul mood. He logged in on his computer, as he usually did, and spoke to people. I never knew what or who it was, but I was about to find out. I was playing on the computer with ‘the boy’ and I heard him shout Loulou. I came downstairs and he said: “Sit in front of this camera for me”.”Why?” I asked. He replied: “It’s a ladies chat room and they are saying I’m a bloke, so if you sit there to verify it then I won’t be kicked out”. I had to sit in front of this camera, while they asked me questions about my age, gender and sexuality. He had me giving them ‘the wife’s’ details. I didn’t like it at all. As soon as the video chat ended, he pushed me out of the chair and told me to make tea. As I was making tea, he said: “I’ll do that, you take over this chat”. I sat at the computer and began to read. There was messages saying “Are you up for naughty chat?” and a woman responded with “Yes”. He had written different things he wanted to do to her. How was I supposed to write to her? I didn’t know what to say at all, so I didn’t I just sat there until he had finished tea. He came in and said: “She talked to them, how come you won’t?”, referring to ‘the wife’. I just walked off and went back upstairs.
The day after I dropped ‘the boy’ off at school and walked back. I started cleaning up and was told to put a wash on. I put a wash of dark clothes on and was wiping all the sides down and cleaned the kitchen table. Next minute, ‘the man’ was standing in the kitchen doorway holding a white top up. He said: “Have you already put a wash on?” I said: “Yes, I’ve just done a dark one, but can do a white after”. He then said he needed his white top washed. He came around to the washer and threw me to the floor. I tried to get up, but he booted me in the stomach, which dropped me straight down again. I tried to get up again, but he kicked me back to the floor again. I didn’t want to try again, so I sat there on the floor, crying. He then said: “If you want to get up, you ask me”. So I did and he said: “Go on then”, but he booted me right back down, in the stomach, so hard. That went on and on. I was literally begging him to let me get up, but he wouldn’t. He just laughed and seemed to thrive off what he was doing. It felt like I was on the floor for hours and when he did let me back up, I ran upstairs. I sat on my bed, crying, and I heard him come upstairs and I quickly wiped my eyes. He came in and said: “I could kill you right now and no one would know. I’d tell your mum you set off back to hers and tell ‘the boy’ that you had left him again. I thought “He actually could. What could I do? No one would even know”. He walked out and went downstairs. I stayed in my room that day tidying ‘the boys’ side. Just to do something, until it was time to get him.
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