01 – A Bit About Me

As this is my first post, I’ve decided to write a brief article in which I can tell you a little bit about my past.

At 2 years old everything started to go downhill.

The trouble started when I was just two years old. At that point, I suffered from bite marks, bruises and a broken leg. All these injuries were noted as non-accidental. It wasn’t clear who exactly was responsible for this, but after that I went into care, where I was brought up by extended family for 8 years.

Everything appeared to be okay, but appearances can be deceiving…

As a young child in care, I always felt my childhood was pretty normal. A mum, a dad, my (half)brother’s extended family and friends. This was, however, not a happy ending I hoped it would be. At ten years old it was all taken away from me and I was about to end up in a world many worlds apart from what I was used to.

Me after being at my mums for a couple of months

I went back to my mum’s house, after she expressed that she wanted me back home. The boyfriend she had very quickly turned on me. So not only was I removed from all I knew, but I was prevented from seeing the people who brought me up and I no longer had that feeling of safety and stability I had when I was with them. I began to suffer physical abuse. I was being hit with hands, a belt, I was made to eat a cigarette and I had nowhere to turn to. I was estranged and isolated, until I was kicked out of the house by him. My mum didn’t step in to protect me and chose her boyfriend over me.

Me after being back at my mum’s a few months. The difference is clearly visible to everyone.

So at thirteen, I was moved to yet another place. This time a very close family member. I had to drop out of school and for seven months I watched him beat my six-year-old (half)brother. After that, he turned on me. My ribs were broken and I had bruises all over me. His ex-partner took me in and protected me as long as she could. I moved back to my mum for a short while then was kicked out lived on streets and then moved back in with his ex partner until she fell pregnant and couldn’t do it anymore. So now I was forced by the circumstances to go back to my mums again.

I hated school by this point, because of what was going on in my life. I felt I didn’t fit in or belonged and it just became a very difficult time. I turned into a very angry child. I became someone I personally didn’t even like myself. So I didn’t have many friends, became very isolated and was bullied most of the way through because of how I was dressed and looked. I had gone from being well dressed, healthy and looked after, to a withdrawn, angry child and very underweight.

I became bulimic. Probably to feel a bit of control, as I couldn’t understand my surroundings anymore and thought everyone hated me. I ended up hating myself. After being moved around a lot and being unsettled with no stability at sixteen years old, I took an overdose. I genuinely didn’t want to live anymore.

This is my past in a nutshell. My story of what went on during my time as a child and a teenager. There is more to it, but as there is currently a court case in process I am unable to go into some of the details. There are a few other events that I will hopefully be able to talk about, in a bit more detail, at a later stage. I want to write about, and share with you, the more specific mental health problems I am left with as a result, how I felt and how it has affected me later in life. So I will touch upon those events at some point.